


You Are Strong

by sugarandspace



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Supportive Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:40:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24650950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarandspace/pseuds/sugarandspace
Summary: Alec comes home early, asking for distraction.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 31
Kudos: 191





	You Are Strong

**Author's Note:**

> I realised that I’ve written quite a few fics where Alec talks to Magnus after he’s done something to hurt himself or after Magnus found him and encouraged him to talk. I wanted to write something where Alec seeks his comfort before he does anything else. So there's no actual self-harm in this fic, just talk about it. But still, if that's not something you feel comfortable reading about, I'd advise you to skip this one!

Magnus hears the front door open and lifts his eyes from the array of jars and bottles on his apothecary table. These days it’s rare that people come in without knocking, a result of a strict talking to Alec had given to his siblings once, so that leaves Magnus with one option more likely than others when it comes to who has entered the loft.

Magnus leaves the apothecary and walks to the foyer just as Alec is taking off his shoes.

“Hey,” Magnus says. As Alec finally manages to unlace his boots and straightens up, Magnus leans in to greet him with a kiss. “I thought you said that you will need to stay until late today?”

“Yeah,” Alec says. “There was a change of plans.”

“Well,” Magnus replies and smiles brightly. “I’m not complaining.”

Something about Alec’s expression makes the smile on Magnus’ face vanish.

“Is everything okay?” Magnus asks, taking Alec’s hand and leading him further into their home. “Do you want anything? Maybe tea?”

Magnus lets go of Alec’s hand to go to the kitchen, but Alec’s words make him stop.

“Wait.”

Magnus turns to look at him, where Alec is wringing his hands in front of him, clearly uncomfortable. Magnus turns his whole body towards him, giving him his whole attention. He might not know what is going on, but he wants Alec to know that he’ll listen.

“Are you busy right now?” Alec asks.

“No,” Magnus replies. It isn’t a lie, Magnus has been doing an inventory of his apothecary and it won’t go anywhere if Magnus decides to stop for the day. But there’s something in Alec that would have made him say so even if he was brewing a potion for his oldest customer. He might not know the reason but it’s clear that Alec needs him right now.

“Can we do something?” Alec asks, still looking uncomfortable. It equal parts baffles and worries Magnus what could be a reason for that.

“Of course,” Magnus replies. “What did you have in mind?”

“Just,” Alec stars, then eases the grip he has on his hands, clearly focusing on setting them down on his sides, where the fingers keep flexing as if longing to move back. “Anything.”

“Alexander,” Magnus says, making sure to keep his voice calm as he steps closer and takes Alec’s fidgeting hands to his. Alec grips them tight before his hands seem to finally relax. “You are making me worry.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec says quietly.

“Don’t be,” Magnus is quick to say. “Will you tell me what’s going on?”

When Alec speaks next, his words are quiet, a confession that Magnus knows takes a lot of courage.

“I don’t want to hurt myself.”

“Oh, Alec,” Magnus breathes out and lets go of his hands to bring his arms around him. Alec leans into the hug with his whole body and in response Magnus only holds onto him tighter. “What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Alec replies, and when Magnus pulls back from the hug enough to look him in the eyes, Alec continues. “I will tell you later. Just not now, okay? I need something else to think about.”

“Okay,” Magnus nods. He knows it’s not a lasting solution to ignore whatever happened, but if this is what Alec needs now, it’s what Magnus will give him.

Magnus pulls him back into a hug, wanting to hold him close as if like that he would be able to keep Alec safe from the things the world tries to throw at him. Alec accepts the hug, not seeming to be in any hurry to pull back. Magnus moves his hands up and down Alec’ back, hoping that the steady movement might help in settling whatever storm there’s going on in Alec’s mind.

“I’m really proud of you,” Magnus whispers against Alec’s temple, ending his words with a soft kiss there. 

Alec tilts his head down to bury it against Magnus’ shoulder.

“I’ve been doing so good,” Alec says, referring to the fact that it’s been months since he’s come home with bruised knuckles or bleeding fingers that weren’t a result of a mission. “I really wanted to, but…”

Alec trails off and Magnus leaves another kiss to his hair.

“You are so strong,” he says.

“I’m really not,” Alec tries to argue, still to this day finding it difficult to take in compliments, especially if he feels differently.

“But you are,” Magnus argues gently. He’d really like to look Alec in the eyes as he says this but Alec is making no moves towards loosening his grip on Magnus and Magnus doesn’t want to make him. “It takes a lot of strength to fight against it. Your decision to come home instead takes a lot of strength, as does admitting that you need help. You are strong and I want you to know that I’m incredibly proud of you, my love.”

Alec is trying to be subtle but since his head is right next to Magnus’ ear, Magnus can hear the quiet sniffle. He brings one of his hands up to brush it through Alec’s hair.

“I love you,” Alec says, his words slightly muffled against Magnus’ shoulder.

“And I love you,” Magnus replies.

Later they’ll talk about what happened to make Alec feel this way, but now is not the time for that. If what Alec needs is for Magnus to hold him and then distract him until the urge to hurt himself passes, that’s what Magnus will do. Because sometimes, even strong people need someone to help carry the weight of the world.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> You can find me from [tumblr](https://sugarandspace.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/sugarandspace_)!


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